THE EXPERIENCE OF SEPARATION AND LOSS BY FAMILY MEMBERS WHO WERE DIVIDED DURING FORCED MIGRATION

Abstract

The article highlights the experience of separation and loss of Ukrainian families divided by war during forced migration. The departure of women and children from their permanent place of residence as a result of the war, family separation, and the sudden interruption of the ties of everyday life poses a severe challenge to the family as a complex system. The experience of separation of family members and losses of various kinds is one of the critical factors in understanding the full range of traumas experienced by a forced migrant due to the impact of war. Forced migration caused by circumstances is a complicated experience of migration, a “surgical” uprooting, a loss of not just a home, a place of residence, but a loss of a part of oneself, one’s Ego, and a painful and panicked attempt to get used to a new place. The depth of sadness that people experience when they are separated from family members who remain in their homeland amid mortal danger due to military operations can be compared to the strength of emotions when mourning the death of a loved one. Here, we will talk not only about migrants but also about family members who remain behind and who go through an equally traumatic experience of separation. Thus, the unconscious identification of migration and death can be very intense. Grief work is a complex, dynamic process that affects the entire personality of an individual, and – consciously or unconsciously – all Ego-functions, behaviors, defense mechanisms, and, above all, relationships with other people. Long-distance parenthood and marriage challenge the traditional notion of a family – when all members live together, literally on the same plane, no matter what. Today, for the sake of the future of each particular family separated by migration and the preservation of the very concept of marriage as a form of relationship, new forms of family have to be sought and found. The absence of a father in a child’s life or the absence of a husband or wife in a marriage requires mental resources to adapt and rethink roles and expectations. The loss experience in this context includes not only a longing for what has been lost but also the need for internal reassessment and the discovery of new ways to express emotional ties. Absence is a space where psychic work occurs, where internal object relations are formed and rethought. Understanding and accepting past traumas, liberation from denial, and avoidance are vital to creating oneself in the space of absence. The article also includes clinical examples illustrating the material presented.